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Beth told me more about her adventures with Mike. She said that they were sleeping together often now and that she had told him that she loved him. It was a big step for her and I could tell by the joyous expression on her face that things had gone well for her when she’d told him. Beth told me that she’d just blurted it out to him, unexpectedly, one morning when they’d woken up at his place. She said he’d hesitated at first, then looked at her and told her that he felt the same way. She was positively beaming as she told me this. I have to admit that I felt more than a little envious that Mike had told Beth that he loved her. I knew, at least at a very superficial level, that Matt and I hadn’t been together long enough to be in love. At the deeper levels though, I desperately wanted him to love me and I wanted to love him. I’m not even sure that I didn’t already think that I was in love with him - it was so hard for me to identify my feelings and separate love from adoration. I knew. He has some very weird ideas, in some fetid corners of his mind, I was managing to tap into some of the least pleasant ones. I really should have been able to read him better. I'm supposed to be the one with the people skills, and Matt is the most transparent human being on the planet. He surprised me there.I also miscalculated how hard to hit him, or I let my anger get the better of me. I laid into him as hard as I could, with the horsewhip on his butt. I was expecting the safe word to come out, and Kennedy would be dead. There was some screaming, then he was quiet, unresponsive. I'd managed to send him right into sub space. That's an altered state of consciousness that submissives can get into when stressed. He usually gets there after going down on a lot of pussy.I really didn't know what to do, but I reasoned that when he came out he'd need some TLC. I didn't want Kennedy to be there for that, so I changed back to being Kiki and roused him. He was really demonstrative about how.
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